Tag: dad

Faith, Family, Roy Baldwin

I Choose You

sincerereligion

The new Keurig coffeemaker was sitting in its box on our counter along with cards in pink envelopes, homemade cards and poems, and other items the kids had made. 

It was Mother’s Day morning. 

Anna, our oldest daughter (11 years of age), went upstairs acting as our waitress to ask mom what she wanted for breakfast.  Our menu was small but robust. 

After taking her breakfast order Anna came down and “Surprise Mom” went into action.  

The plan as I had concocted in my mind was to have the girls run upstairs to mom, tell her the coffeepot wasn’t working (since she is the only one who really uses it) and for her to come down to help.  When she entered the kitchen, we would yell, “Happy Mother’s Day” with joy and excitement written all over our faces.  She would be so overwhelmed with emotions that she would fall to her knees praising God for such a wonderful family. 

Well….that’s not quite the way it happened.

I had one daughter accuse the other of telling mom what we got her, who then started crying and screaming running into our living room.  I was telling mom to come down and to “play along” as I was trying to cook breakfast and keep the kids from killing each other.  By the time Karen walked into the kitchen, only Nicholas (my oldest son) said, “Happy Mother’s Day,” as I was yelling at our daughters to come into the kitchen. 

An absolute disaster.  For one moment, just a brief moment, couldn’t we pull it all together? Oh, how I wish. 

Moments in time.  It’s all we really have when you think about it.  Some of our best laid plans never seem to live up to the expectations we put on them.  College, jobs, marriage, kids, dreams…Mother’s Day Celebrations. 

I am never sure if it’s the plans we make or the expectations we place upon them where we make our mistakes. 

Moments in Time

Photographer Jeff Hirsch stated, “There are fleeting moments that define our experience in this life. Moments in time that are ephemeral and transient. Moments that touch us for the remainder of our days. Moments that pass before our helpless eyes and escape our grasping desire to possess them.

I stalk these moments with a hungry mind and fix them with my gaze. I lay in wait to catch that singular instance of existence — not before, not after, but just then. I have the power to stop time in its tracks, to seize the frozen moment and hold it fast…”

I love this quote not as a photographer, but as a parent.  “I lay in wait to catch that singular instance of existence…I have the power to seize the frozen moment…” 

A picture is able to capture a moment in time. I am sure a photographer throws out tons of pictures trying to find the one that truly captures the right moment. I know I do.

The courage for all of us is not what to do with our best moments that we are willing to post to Instagram and Facebook but it’s the not so pretty moments.

The ugly moments.

What do we do with those moments?

I Choose You

As we ended our Mother’s Day after a day filled with many highs and lows, which included a canoe trip on a local pond, we found ourselves in a familiar place…in our girl’s bedroom praying as a family. A thought crossed my mind, as we prayed, “I choose you!”

As much as I hated the debacle of my Mother’s Day plan, everyday our family chooses each other. We choose to work through our pride and selfishness. We choose to work through our conflicts and arguments. We choose to believe the best even when we are at our worst.

We must choose to invite Christ into our brokenness to redeem us. 

As we prayed and confessed our brokenness and love for each other I was thankful that Christ chose us first. (John 15:16). The moments we are given each day is not about getting them right or perfect 100% of the time.

It IS about pursuing the well being of each other!

It’s also about giving our moments to The One who is transforming and redeeming us. It’s His grace working in and through us.

Because He chose me…he gives me the grace I need to choose you…and the ability to love you. Imagine the transformation that would happen in our homes if we loved the way of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

Faith, Family

Don’t Miss The Moments

sincerereligion

My son Nick, 9 years old at the time, had gone the entire baseball season without a hit, and he found himself in the “on deck circle” at the end of the championship game. The season had already been filled with frustration and discouragement for him. Nick was playing on a very good team, and here he found himself up to bat in the last inning.

The team was down a few runs and Nick was facing the best pitcher in the league. The team had not fared very well, with very few hits.

I distinctly remember standing behind the backstop as he was called up from the bench to the on-deck circle. My heart sank. Nick sluggishly grabbed his bat and helmet, and he walked slowly to the waiting place. He looked up and said, “Dad, I can’t do this. I haven’t gotten a hit all year.”

As a dad, my heart hurt for him because there’s nothing more a father wants for his son than to be successful in all that he does.

I was at a loss for words. What do I say? I offered up a quick prayer for wisdom and then I shared something with him that we still remember to this day:

“As a boy and man, we will all face our Goliaths throughout life. They will come in all shapes and sizes. The only thing that matters is to show courage and to trust God in those moments. In fact, it doesn’t matter what happened before this moment…all that matters is now. Do your best, trust God with the results.“

“…it doesn’t matter what happened before this moment…all that matters is now. Do your best, trust God with the results.

We said a quick prayer as the batter in front of him got out. It was his time.

Nick had one of his best at-bats all season. He hit a sharp grounder between the shortstop and third baseman, and the shortstop made a great play to get him out at first, barely.

Nick was disappointed but he was also optimistic as he stated, “Dad, I hit it hard and almost got on!” I let him know how proud I was of him for giving his all.

That was the last time Nick played organized baseball, but every once in a while, when he faces obstacles and challenges, we go back to that time behind the backstop. It was a defining moment for both of us in very different ways.

For me, that on-deck circle was an opportunity to love and support my son.

Since that time, I have had plenty of on-deck moments with him, as well as with my two daughters. Being an intentional dad is about seeing those moments in life and taking full advantage of them. In some ways, our children are constantly in that on deck-circle while they live in our homes. We are preparing to send them up to the plate of adulthood.

Now that Nick has graduated college and is living on his own…I continue to find myself to be Nick’s biggest coach as he enters adulthood. Recently, Nick drove from Omaha (where he lives and works) to Lincoln and we spent time on a Saturday together. We played a board game, went to Scheel’s, shot my handgun at a local gun range with his sister, grabbed a burger at Honest Abe’s, and we finished our day doing something we love…watching a Donnie Yen martial arts film. We talked about life, work, relationships and faith. It was a great day.

There are many tips out there about seeing and recognizing those “on-deck” moments. But there is one I believe is key for men and fathers: Emotional Warmth

Emotional Warmth

I get tired of the excuse that men are unable to “emotionally relate” to their families. Whether in society or in the church, I constantly hear this message that men are buffoons when it comes to emotions, as if we are unable to tie our own emotional shoestrings. Nothing is more damaging to men or families than this thought.
As men and fathers, we are “wired” for emotional intimacy, especially when it comes to our families. Obviously that is expressed in very different ways for men, but it is not that we are incapable. In the book “Families and Faith: How Religion Is Passed Down Across Generations,” Vern Bengtson shares a survey done over the course of 35 years, studying more than 350 families (3,500 individuals) from different faith beliefs. It is the largest study of its kind, specifically looking at “faith transmission” from parents to kids and to grandkids and great-grandkids. This is one of the key findings:

“Our study indicates that relationships with parents that are felt to be close, warm, and affirming are associated with higher religious transmission than are relationships perceived as cold, distant or authoritarian- regardless of the level of parental piety. Moreover, this is particularly true for relations with fathers.”

In other words, you want to recognize those on-deck moments to help your children grow into adulthood, especially our sons who are seeking positive role models, and what that looks like relationally and emotionally. Be intentional. Be present. Catch the moments. The more you invest in truly knowing your children, the more you will recognize those on-deck moments where faith, courage, responsibility, and character will be present. They are some of the most rewarding moments you will ever experience. Don’t miss them.

p.s. I have also missed my share of moments. I haven’t been there. I have been distracted. I have been harsh.

As a dad, put in the work (self-care, being emotionally healthy, being physically and emotionally present, ask and offer forgiveness, rebuild trust and be dependent on Jesus). To many men live in the shame and the hurt of the past. DON’T? Because “…it doesn’t matter what happened before this moment…all that matters is now. Do your best, trust God with the results.”