Remembering Leaves

I’ve been in a strange place in my life since moving to Nebraska…for years I’ve longed for such ‘time’ in my life. It’s one of rest. I’ve had moments available to me in the past. Every time we’ve moved, I’ve found myself with a lot of time on my hands and often without a specific purpose… at least as the world sees… and often, as I believed myself. Busyness has always kept me from feeling useless or like I’m wasting my life. Honestly, I feared being alone and bored…and I would carry guilt, which would spiral into depression because of ‘not doing important things’. I’d feel guilty that being a wife and mom wasn’t fulfilling enough. 

But these days I find myself spending much of my day seeking God in His Word. In the world’s eyes, I’m sure this is time wasted. But I’m finding myself in awe of the depth of who He is in the midst of stories and passages that have been ‘familiar’ to me much of my life.

The Bible has become ‘alive and active’… And I’m learning that it’s not about checking off the to-do list that religion has so often taught me about getting to the destination,  but enjoying the journey and process that will get me there.

In the back of my journal are these Monadnock leaves…I have had them in this empty journal since October of 2014, when I first visited MBC. I took them home for my kids, as a symbol of God’s faithfulness in the unknown journey ahead of us. Today, over 6 years later, they are here as a reminder of that journey God led us on. In the midst of it, I chose the busyness of ministry over the journey itself. There were glimpses and moments that stretched my faith and grew me in the most profound ways. It was time…not wasted, but preparing me for this time of rest and reflection. I’m so thankful for seasons…literally and spiritually…these leaves remind me of the beauty of New England falls, of our camp journey and the thousands I got to journey with…of the ‘death’ that must come for Life to be renewed and to flourish…of God’s promises to us and the walk he so graciously waits for us to join Him on.

I’m so very thankful for the reminders today of His love, faithfulness, goodness and companionship He provides every single day. I’m beyond thankful for those that he brought along the path, that I could love and journey with through the good and the tough. And above all, I’m thankful today for this season of rest, reflection and intimacy with the Lord of my Life.❤️ This may be my finest season yet! But I know it is preparing me for what’s next. And I can’t wait to see what that might be!❤️🙏🏼❤️

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